Kitty News

Kitty News from Around the Net

Lonely Friend

It's official.

Jennifer Aniston gives up trying to find a man and settles for a giant kitty couch.

"I'm finally happy. I love him, and he loves me," said the delusional Aniston.

With her film career on the rocks, and no real boyfriend, the actress has at least found some comfort on a furry friend.

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Lindsay and Doxie

A representative for Lindsay Lohan released an official statement today announcing that the troubled actress will be required to travel with a substance monitoring kitty.

"As part of a plea agreement with the Los Angeles County DA's office, Ms. Lohan will be accompanied by Doxie, a wellness feline, to make sure that Lindsay is maintaining a healthy lifestyle," said Karen Cershaw, a Lohan advisor.

Doxie is no stranger to helping famous folks. In fact, the furry drug detector has assisted a number of celebrities kick the habit including Tom Sizemore, Mackenzie Phillips and Jeff Conaway.

Cershaw went on to say, "We sincerely hope that Linday and Doxie have a productive relationship, and that Doxie is willing to be a designated driver just in case Lindsay is under the weather."

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Abby and Captain

Abby Sunderland's attempt to sail around the globe is sparking criticism once again. It was discovered that Abby was not sailing solo as previously reported. Investigators uncovered that Sunderland took her five year old cat Captain Whiskers on her wild adventure.

"We discovered that Captain Whiskers was on board and in good condition," said Robert DeWitt, a Coast Guard officer.

Apparently Sunderland used her cat for navigational advice throughout the journey.

"Abby did confirm that Captain Whiskers was in fact the real Captain of the vessel," DeWitt said.

A newly released Coast Guard report revealed that the cat would actually man the ship while Abby was asleep.

DeWitt added,"Captain Whiskers was not responsible for the wayward boat. Unfortunately, Ms. Sunderland was operating the boat when it encountered dangerous waters. We suspect Captain Whiskers was napping at the time."

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